Finding Holiday Cheer When It Feels Out of Reach

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The holidays are often painted as a time of joy, laughter, and togetherness. But what happens when you’re not feeling it. When life has left you feeling alone or uninspired, the thought of decorating or getting into the holiday spirit can feel more like a chore than a delight. If that resonates with you, know that you’re not alone—and there are gentle ways to rediscover the magic of the season. Unfortunately I am a member of this club and have been for 8 years since losing my husband to cancer in 2016. What makes it even harder is that we both loved the holidays. We had a neighbor that dressed as Santa and distributed candy to every house in the neighborhood. We so looked forward to that every year; this was just one of many. When our grandson was born that was the icing on the cake!!!

Decorating doesn’t have to mean an entire house overhaul, start small and simple. A single candle, a small wreath, or string lights in your favorite corner can create a cozy holiday atmosphere without overwhelming you. Sometimes, just a touch of seasonal sparkle can shift your mood. Try one of the little 2 foot trees with the lights on the branches and use some of your special smaller ornaments to decorate. Have it near a fireplace and have both cut on; just simple and beautiful.

Holidays don’t have to follow anyone else’s script. If decking out a tree or stringing lights feels like too much, consider activities that genuinely bring you happiness. Maybe that’s playing a favorite holiday song, baking cookies, or cozying up with a holiday movie. Let joy lead the way—even if it’s in unexpected places. One of my things is to listen to my Elvis Christmas Album and Kenny G on his Sax.

Sometimes, the feeling of loneliness can be softened by creating a space that feels nurturing. A soft blanket, warm beverage, and twinkling lights can offer a sense of comfort. Think of it as decorating for you—a gift to yourself. This is a hard one for me, I so miss the time we spent curled up on the sofa with the fireplace and large tree all lit up and a crazy amount of presents under the tree. I now snuggle with my 4 legged Maci on 1 of several blankets we have.

Feeling disconnected during the holidays can sap your enthusiasm for celebration. If you’re up for it, try reaching out to someone—a friend, a family member, or even an online community. Sharing a kind word, a memory, or even a virtual holiday cheer can create a sense of connection. This is a tough one, being the 3rd wheel is what you become, never gets easier. In have tried joining some social type clubs with a little success.

I know being alone really stinks but it doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Use the time to reflect, recharge, or even start a personal tradition. Write a letter to yourself about what you’re grateful for this year or what you hope for in the next. Light a candle and set an intention for peace or happiness. One thing I try to do to deal is remember how blessed I was to have him in my life for 18 years. There are so many people that have never had real love and I am so blessed.

Remember it’s okay not to feel overly festive. The holidays can be about quiet moments and self-compassion just as much as they can be about glitter and noise. If skipping decorations this year feels right, allow yourself that freedom without guilt. It is your home and your feelings, do what makes you feel ok.

Often the real meaning of the season gets lost in the commercialism. Reflect on what the holidays mean to you personally. Is it about hope, renewal, or kindness? Once you identify what resonates most, lean into that—whether through a small act of giving, volunteering, or simply holding space for yourself to feel what you feel. I served food one year to homeless with my daughter and grandson. I must say it was an awesome feeling. My grandson was so friendly and helpful to the homeless. This was great for the whole faily. Giving is so much better than receiving.

One thing that may help is to bring some nature into your home like some pine cones and holly. Arrange them in a bowl with maybe a candle. Nature has a grounding way of reminding us of life’s cycles and beauty, and it can be a simple yet powerful way to connect with the season.

The holidays don’t have to be picture-perfect to be meaningful. It’s okay to honor your feelings, whether they’re merry or melancholic. By taking small steps and allowing yourself grace, you might find that holiday spirit quietly sneaking in when you least expect it. And if it doesn’t? That’s okay, too. The most important gift you can give yourself is kindness. I have made it through 8 holidays now without my husband and I feel each year that I am getting back to my old self. Hang on, it will get bette